Draco Malfoy's Quest for a Rocketship
by CastleSWACLover
Summary: Draco Malfoy wants to go to Pigfarts. All he needs is a rocket ship, and in order to get one, he will become a YouTube star (as a songwriter with a liking towards that Hermione Granger) and work with a certain Caribbean pirate! An epilogue to A Very Potter Musical written in Theatre of the Absurd style that may or may not have been written for my English class...


Draco Malfoy's Quest to Attend Pigfarts

Draco Malfoy sat on a disheveled column of Hogwarts, pondering his next move. Harry, Ron, and Hermione came bursting in with gleeful appearances, Harry shouting, "I did it! I killed Voldemort!"

"And it was totally awesome!" added Ron. "That was a boss party don't you think Hermione?"

She replied with enthusiasm, "Uh, yeah!" Turning, she noticed Draco perched on a column stump looking depressed.

"Gross, it's Malfoy," Ron noted just loud enough for Draco to be able to hear him, "I hate that guy!"

"Shut up Weasley," he retorted, "The joke's on you because now that Hogwarts is demolished, I'll be at Pigfarts, and you won't have any school at all."

"What is Pigfarts anyway Malfoy?" Harry questioned, "You've only mentioned it about a billion times."

"Pigfarts is the greatest wizarding school in the universe. The headmaster's name is Rumbleroar. He's a lion," Draco paused for dramatic effect, "Who can talk."

"Why didn't you just go to Pigfarts last year then? I think we would have all enjoyed that very much," Hermione said while her friends nodded.

"That's just silly, Granger. I can't go to Pigfarts because it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do any of you have a rocket ship?" Malfoy explained, to which the trio shook their heads. "I didn't think so. Well, this summer I am going to get myself a rocket ship so I can go to Pigfarts!"

A few days later, Malfoy was seated at a desk, teaching himself how to use a Muggle computer. He was in the process of uploading an original song of his to YouTube. It was called "Granger Danger", and he originally sang it with Ron Weasley about Hermione Granger, but he was not going to inform anyone of that. With much difficulty, he moved the mouse to the "upload" icon and clicked it with a devilish smile on his face. "And now I wait," Malfoy thought aloud.

A muggle with the name Kimberly came across the song while surfing around YouTube. Intrigued, she clicked on the video and watched it with interest, laughing at all of the hilarious lyrics. "I love this!" She exclaimed, promptly posting it on her Facebook page. One of her friends, Olivia, saw the clip and was in love with it as well, so she shared it too. The cycle continued with thousands of people, and within a few days, Malfoy's video had 25 million views! When he checked his YouTube a week after the posting, he saw that ginormous number and squeeled with delight.

"I'm famous!" he shouted. Every time he refreshed the page, the number of views went up, and thousands more comments were added. Draco looked at them in amazement, as most of them were positive. Smirking to himself, he powered off the computer and walked into the kitchen to look for a snack. After having examined his cabinets very closely, he came to the realization that he was all out of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "I need to go to Honeydukes!" Draco proclaimed before apparating to Hogsmeade, the village where said candy shop was located. Upon arriving there, Malfoy immediately noticed that Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were approaching him. "Hello, Mudblood, Blood Traitor," he snarled.

"Lay off, Malfoy," Ron countered, his mouth stuffed with chocolate frogs. "I saw your song on that Muggle computer device. You know I sang that too right?"

"Why of course I do Weasley. I'm not stupid." Draco paused, contemplating his next insult. "We don't want the ginger to be getting credit for a song that awesome, do we?"

"Really Malfoy," Hermione scolded, "How daft must you be to make such ginger jokes?"

"Only as daft as a scholar", he quipped.

"If that is so, then why do you sing?"

"What do you mean, why do I sing?"

"Well, those who sing are those most effected by emotion"

"And so?"

"Those who are daft do not have emotion, so if you do not sing because of emotion, why do you sing?"

"Because I am not daft, therefore I sing. But I do not feel emotions. Emotions only suit the weak."

"Now why would you say that? Anyone is perfectly capable of emotion, even if their emotional range is that of a teaspoon."

"The Dark Lord did not have said emotions, so he didn't sing."

"You and I both know that isn't true. He sang quite frequently with Professor Quirrell."

"Does it make one mad?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"If a person is incapable of feeling emotion, then how is that person able to sing if it is true that all song comes from emotion."

"The obvious answer is that Voldemort did in fact have emotion, hidden deep inside."

Ron watched this entire argument in awe. How could two people ramble on for so long? "Well this is all fine and dandy," he interrupted "None of this has actually accomplished anything. The real question is, why didn't you give me any credit for that song?" There was a beat before he added angrily, "And don't say that it's because I'm a ginger!"

"Do you want to know why?" Malfoy pushed.

"Please," Ron said, quite annoyed.

Malfoy responded, "Let me just say," he paused before breaking into a short and bouncy song, "Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come! Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum, yum, yum!" to which Ron and Hermione rolled their eyes as exhausted sighs escaped their mouths.

"Seriously, Malfoy enough about Pigfarts, no one cares!" Ron said, his mouth once again stuffed with candy.

With a huff, Draco mumbled, "You'll see," and with that, he disappeared with a flourish, leaving Ron and Hermione with confused expressions on their faces.

Malfoy had apparated to the NASA headquarters, with a determination to get the one thing he needed. There was a pop and he appeared in front of a very large building with hundreds of windows. Entering the front door with much grandiose, he approached the looming front desk. "I'd like to acquire a rocket ship," he recited to the receptionist in a stony-faced and monotonous way. This made her chuckle.

"And you suppose I could help you with that?"

"Why yes, that is generally the point of a receptionist, to assist people in their endeavors relating to a certain person or subject."

"Unfortunately, I cannot help you in this situation. You cannot simply purchase a rocket ship."

"I don't see why not; I have plenty of money.."

"Funding is not the problem with the situation, it is the fact that we do not sell rocket ships!"

"What is the point of being called the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, if you do not allow a person from the nation to have a machine allowing one to go to space!"

"First of all, you have a British accent, so you're clearly not from the United States, and second of all, that is not the purpose of this administration!"

Malfoy paused, contemplating this last line before bellowing, "Fine! I'll just have to build my own then!" and disappeared once again with a pop.

One month later, Malfoy was standing in an enormous workshop that he had built at Malfoy Manor. "The rocket ship has been completed master," a deep voice announced proudly, to which Draco laughed evilly.

"Fantastic, Jack Sparrow! This means my quest can finally be completed," Draco announced with glee.

"Captain Jack Sparrow! You forgot the Captain!" the pirate interjected.

"Fine, fine, _Captain_ Jack Sparrow," Malfoy exaggerated in return. "Is it ready for liftoff?"

"Of course sir; you can begin your journey today," Captain Jack faithfully responded, flourishing wildly at the rocket ship. This made Draco squeal with excitement, and he ran over to the cockpit with haste. He turned on the engine and a mechanical voice counted, "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Lift Off."

After a few days, Draco noticed a promising planet in the distance that looked like a castle. "Pigfarts! I've made it!" His spaceship landed and the first thing he noticed was a magnificent lion.

It bellowed, "Rumbleroar!" which made him squeal once again. Malfoy burst into song once more, singing, "Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I am, Pigfarts, Pigfarts, Yum, Yum, Yum!"


End file.
